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The Legend of January 23rd
The Legend of January 23rd At this moment in time, names of the members of the chat were as follows: Trashed and Scattered = Grant Bat Countryman = Will Khaleesi Mother of Dragons = DeeDee God of Birds = Griffin Jarl of Argebs = Jake Nemi Djurisic = Miles Help = Charlie Buj = David Additionally, you should know the format of this transcription of the Legend of January 23rd Everyone’s custom name was written once with their real name in parentheses. After stating a message with the label of the custom name, any remaining messages are labeled with the person’s actual name. If a person changed their name, it will appear on the first message sent with that name and then the label will return to the person’s original name. The times that are posted are given by GroupMe. I posted as many as they gave. This transcription begins a few hours before the legend occurred and ends the morning after so as to provide context to the legendry. All emojis were impossible to retrieve, and so I have replaced any emoji occurences with parentheses including what exactly the emoji depicted. That is all. Enjoy. Just after Griffin posted CNN’s article about Justin Bieber’s arrest: January 23rd, 4:27 PM Trashed and Scattered (Grant): '''Hahahahahah No way '''Bat Countryman (Will): '''Looks like an accurate source Grant you wanna dial 1-800-Dodongo? '''Trashed and Scattered: '''I can only play for like 30 '''Will: '''Nevermind then whore '''Grant: '''hop on Dave wants to play '''Will: Gaylo or black cocks? Grant: whatever you want Will: let’s acquire to lo Grant: GREAT Khaleesi Mother of Dragons (DeeDee): ' ''Jan 23, 8:05 PM '''Will: (scuba) Jan 23, 8:14 PM Nemi Djurisic (Miles): very soon. Preparing the boat Jan 23, 8:26 PM Grant: please scuba Will: Bid dinner acquired Pledges acquired on Sunday Jan 23, 8:34 PM God of the Birds (Griffin): Holy shit kennesaws basketball dancers are hot as fuck Jan 23, 9:01 PM Griffin: Grant: please God all I want for Christmas Miles: Jacob I expect to see you swimming amongst the reefs tonight Possibly even adjusting your flippers on a Sand Bar Grant: what a hot reference mitones Jan 23, 9:15 PM Will: it seems to me, you better swim Jan 23, 9:20 PM Griffin: who wants to indulge in the devils lettuce Jan 23, 9:49 PM Griffin: Grant: I tried to get that Will: Same Grant: flash are you exploring the depths tonight? Will: two kegs of rolling rock :) Miles: shoe legs of polling socks I only hang with ze horses Will: I only hang with the CATs Miles: Ze French horses of co ur Se (scuba) Will: Not Greek? You could grab Pegasus Miles: This nigga French My greek nigga crowned tonight *clowned Charles will be out tonight tho Will: Grant: Miles: I will fuck each and every one of you Grant: yes please ;) Miles: This game is a whore Will: Sweet child o mine is now playing #fullygardened Miles: I’m bout to pick the potatoes Will: Same Griffin: I’ve gotten sea sickness Will: Horns? Lances? Miles: Corn? Dances? Will: Miles: -_- Shakira shakiraaaa Grant: como se llama Will: Don’t speak the devils language Miles: Me llamo nemi djurisic Griffin: Hey that’s two languages! You can’t do that! Will: (singing emoji) Miles: Sing a long songs with jimminy cricket ! Will: ? Miles: ^^^ *Bat Countryman changed group’s name to Yesterworld Miles: (club)(spade)(diamond) Name that aer song ^ Will: The ace of spades Miles: Excuse me. It’s (club)(spade)(heart) Fuck! Nope. It’s (spade)(club)(diamond) Will: The ace of clubs, spades, and diamonds Miles: so close Will: The king of clubs, spades, diamonds, and hyrule? Miles: Hahah. Spades, clubs, and diamonds. Great song Will: Almost as good as time Miles: Tiiiiiiime. Rhyme lime dime chime chime Will: Rime of the ancient mariner Grant: not again The albatross has been killed Miles: No it hasn’t. Don’t say that Will: I’m wearing it around my neck Grant: hey flash can I use your HBO businart Miles: no Will: you can Grant: what is if again Will: Flytones Directv Grant: yee Will: Whose mom has got it going on? Miles: Flytones? Try mintones Will: Try Tri-attack, tri-delt, trigonometry Miles: No. Will: Nope *Bat Countryman changed name to 595 Miles: This group message is clutch as shit during scuba *Nemi Djurisic changed the group’s name to 505 Miles: Fucking arctic monkeys fuck yeab 595 (Will): shit is not particularly clutch Miles: *yeah Will: There are no monkeys in the arctic Buj (David): of course there are Will: only bears, birds, fish, sea mammals, and bacterium David: and tisms Grant: flash what’s the tism for your HBO Will: Those are only at auburn David: Ah I see Will: particularly in a certain suite Jacob7313 Password cat David: mhmhmhm Grant: thank you *Nemi Djurisic changed name to 678 Will: always tryna help 678 (Miles): fucking area codes fuck yeah *595 changed the group’s avatar (picture irretrievable) Grant: what Miles: yes Grant: you didn’t actually help Miles: Pleh Will: Kr Tell the lly she owes me help Grant: on sober moment I’m tryna watch the thrones I’ll tell her Will: I will redeem it soon Miles: I’m the best corner back in the league Grant: flash what’s the login business for the HBO Is it Samobriant@yahoo.com or something Will: JakeGarden7313 Cat Miles: I just ran 3 miles up hill Grant: Grant: flash I need you to focus for a moment Comprehend what I’m saying It’s very important Miles: I’m the best cornerback in the league I just dropped the greatest quote on the bus dt Grant: dammit flash you’ve let me down in my time of need Miles: What the fuck u tryna watch. Get that scuba documenaru DeeDee: Gnagnahnahna Will: Hey DeeDeeDee Grant: tryna watch the game of the thrones But flash is too worthless Griffin: the wings are coming in nice DeeDee: Gna Grant: dammit someone not diving in this message help me out with the HBO Griffin: I’m not scuba Grant: but you don’t know the HBO business Griffin: (sad face) Will: haven’t you seen all the game of loans? Grant: I appreciate you diff Griffin: I wish I could help Grant: yes but I’m trying to recap because I’m bored Will: Zelda you whore Griffin: I’m tending to one of my friends who decided to scuba alone. He’s trapped in the abyss now Miles: I’m the best cornerback in the leagur DeeDee: fuck cabtree Griffin: That would be a sight. A cabtree So many yellow cars Miles: Badeeaah. Dancing in September Griffin: Wake me up when it ends Grant: Miles: Fuck these graphs Just spotted Jacob swimming among the anemones Will: Revealing that this land will die Mine is the grandeur of melancholy burning Just lost snappa :( Miles: Mine is the grandeur of scuba Will: Los crytones head over to sand dollar I’m there Griffin: Ok Will: Jake harden and Charlie head over too Griffin I’m at diamond Dave head over too Griffin: Fuck that place Help (Charlie): Heyy Anna Mechler spotted I’m scuba as cum Already back in my dorm. About to grab some 2k then sleep haha Will: I came on Anna mechlet one time Not really Miles: R u serious Charles? Damn errbody bailing tonight Griffin: it’s too damn cold Miles: Suck my dick it’s cold Charlie: Yeah haha sorry I only got 4 hours of sleep last night so turning in early Miles: Tism Will: If it has made you colder Charlie: Total amount paid for alcohol tonight: $0 Miles: I’ll be out febday Monday wesday and tusdsy U Mean fryday And sat Will: Well Charlie you’re about to pay your soul don’t get used to it Charlie: I know haha it’ll be great Miles: Slate Charlie: It’s okay though the brothers love me already Griffin: Good luck chuck Charlie: It’s about time for some drunk 2k Miles: Nicolas batuuuuuum Jan 23, 11:37 PM DeeDee: Griffin: Miles: Deeds ik u love my snaps (scuba)(scuba)(scuba)(scuba)(scuba)(scuba)(scuba) I just found nemo Will: (angry face) Miles: what u mean (angry face)????? Will: received an unwatned snap chat Griffin: I know what snap you’re talkin about Miles: Nope Will: Elope Grope Slope (y=mxtb) Griffin: wrong Miles: Pope Griffin: Greyhounds My night has consisted of hoot and studying music Will: My motor skills are impaired Miles: My motor skills hate me I just discovered new species Fuck Grant: great David: Mhm Grant: I’m tryna rediscover a specimen I discovered in the depths of the jungle last week David: Howdy kidickens Charlie: Hey guys Grant: hi Miles: we still in this bitch Charlie: just received an absolutely worthless snap cat from Rhett Miles: Dar dmxm Stands for: doors are ring down maximum xylophone marimba Charlie: K Miles: Kkk Griffin: DeeDee: I has to knoo him for polo scj Will: NOOOOOO!!!! All that I’ve worked for has been destroyed Miles: bdnxo.. N o You sank my battle ship Griffin: explain will Will: Gaia had been impaled upon my horns and my lances Lost beer pong to beef and Jeff :( Griffin: beef the pcp David: Mhm Miles: Beef slate Will: He was pcp Miles: Park car park Will: Los fly tones you can’t be parking any cars right now Grant: the fact that the name of this group message is 505 right now explains what is happening Miles: I park like it’s valet up in this bitch 505 Will: 505 is gay Miles: 505 505 Griffin: not valid Will: 595 is delish Miles: fuck you. 505 is a fantastic song Will: anybody wanna trade their karma for my kingdom Griffin: Your kingdom is weak Miles: I’d be king if I was Kong of ashes *king Will: little infer would rule this kingdom if he could be king of the ashes Miles: Best quote of the series Grant: I’d like to be a king below with you all Miles: Lord Will: Id easily rather be a king below than serve above *Trashed and Scattered changed name to The Least and the Parlot Griffin: I’ve seemed to have misplaced my dragons again The Least and the Parlot (Grant): every filthy burden makes me drink the poison Will: check the warlocks tower Griffin: so you’re Lucifer Will: Merchants alligators too I will weep and mourn this loss with a sins fight to the sky Miles: Gargantuan Fuckum in this fuckum Grant: our day is come It’s drawn in the skies So don’t shed a tear now Miles: Mmmmmmmmm Will: Mia from nfs is one the way Grant: he thankful for the time Life wouldn’t be so precious dear if there never was an end Will: suede the day of sure regret Grant: holy hot Will: DeeDeeDee how are you Miles: Nope Grant: we stand on the edge now Will: Rusty gods in machine mind armor grind their souls on the millstone of time Grant: not even stars last forever Cleanse us acid rain Will: so much so2 Miles: so much co2 I’m Al gore Grant: mel busts a nut to so2 Miles: mel busts a nut to trees Grant: an animal sounds You remember that shit flash Miles: Fuckjn tulip poplar in this bitch Grant: Mel loses it for tulip poplars Their quad-shape leaves just make him die Will: V Business man take my wine Griffin: wine is the devils juice Miles: Dj rx. He’s a Dj and a doctor Will: ? (singing emoji)(scuba) Grant: that would make him a dj and a prescription I believe Dispensing beautiful noises for all Miles: I’ll dispense my dick Grant: thank you Miles: U are most welcome (scuba)(cry)(cry) Grant: Miles: Fuck you Grant: fuck the endangered species I was pursuing is moving to a different land tomorrow Miles: Triceratops Grant: no Miles: Brontosaurus Stegosaurus Alan Grant: a beautiful creature I spotted in the deep sea on my dive Miles: Dyve Will: velociraptor Miles: Turnupciraptor Grant: yeah that one miles Miles: (thumbs up)(thumbs up)(thumbs up)(thumbs up) Grant: I was trying to grab a biological sample from said creature but it seems it has moved to waters too shallow for me to follow Will: from her eyes Grant: ATL is such a desolate sea- so dry and shallow Will: true Grant: I cannot follow Griffin: I witnessed a beauty like that once. I thought it was just my imagination but it was real. Every night I search to see it again but no luck. I am a lost soul trying to find my way Grant: isn’t it great to be different Griffin: (broken heart)(one-tear cry face) Miles: follow me @miles_iz_angry I am a turnupciraptor Soo. Get gold Griffin: Don’t let the beat drop Grant: griffin I spotted a gorgeous creature once at a football game who I have yet to see again the waters Might have been the most gorgeous creature I’ve seen Miles: it will drop like a piano in a cartoon Griffin: And you are always on the lookout to see this beauty again right? Grant: yes I feel you diff She is nowhere to be found Miles: Okay. R u ladies finna I will find her Grab my scuboculars And find herr Grant: You cannot Griffin: Bumped into this magnificent creature at lunch today and she said “sorry” The creature was so beautiful I couldn’t respond Miles: U can I can Grant: I have use my GOGGLES many a time to attempt to find this woman but she is gone Hahahahah Miles: Try her h ole They live there I eheard Griffin: “Hello, is it’s you’re looking for” *it me Miles: Stop I’m pots Will: Wow Miles: Wow Grant: I just had a miles sneeze Griffin: Eric Potts Miles: Hahahahahahahaaha Will: This land wil die Miles: Yesssssss. Grab that supreme lif re Griffin: Way to busy making pasta to care Miles: This land will fly I love pasta Grant: OMG I want pasta Griffin: I could easily have some pasta right now Grant: diff bring it here I could easily have 3 pastas right now Miles: the “u” key is waaaayyyy too close to the “I” key. So diff Griffin: that’s a parabola not a “u” Or a magnet Or a horseshoe Or a toe Miles: or a hoe Griffin: or a chode Grant: Miles: or a racquet ball Will: O Griffin: did someone say horse Miles: did someone say diff Grant: TSUNAMI Miles: great s9ng. Ur welcomr Griffin: David monte is easily dead Grant: you hit up some tsunami before you went out? Miles: Nope Tradition mr mant Grant: well then tonight will end harrably Will: from her eyes Miles: I hate it Grant: whoever has not checked this message in the past hour will be astounded at the activity My ehes Eyes By nero? Miles: Nero of Rome Grant: yes Griffin: Deedee has died as well Grant: the same man who wrote doomsday Will: Skayer of Christians Griffin: crusaders of time *God of the Birds changed name to 229 *The Least and the Parlot changed name to 458 229 (Griffin): Rhett is I’m my picture will In He’s watching you Miles: crusades 458 (Grant): alright dickises I’m out for the night Griffin: and so is rachel ritter Grant: enjoy yourselves Seems youre ahead of my request already Griffin: cool man Grant: yeah diff Miles: Bar De n where u ay Griffin: The sad thing is I’m not scuba Grant: shlaying that pushpush Me neither Griffin: I’m as far away from scuba as one can get Miles: scuba up Grant: it’s ok tomorrow will be a whole nother story Griffin: I hope so Miles: same I doin this trifecta Grant: please Miles: I’m tryna get doen:-) I got alchy (scuba)(scuba) Grant: https://v.groupme.com/6420083/2014-01-24T06:02:35Z/16a19ada.192x108r90.mp4 Get this stupid Griffin: I’m staring into oblivion the entire time Will: battery about to die pursuit spotted scrivener out Jan 24, 1:23 AM DeeDee: No no no no No no no Griffin: Thanks for that Will: DDDDDDDD!!!!!!!! DeeDee: Dude life and strife so much strife. Duck the strife of like its real Will: THIS LAND WILL DIE DeeDee: so real ma fuckas You must…….DOE Will: Nothing is real nothing at all Die? Miles: Di Will: We are the sons of winter and stars we’ve come from far beyond time DeeDee: No doe. A dear. A female dere. Ta. A drop of golden sun Will: The world is waiting your arrival seeder DeeDee: I can’t. I feel like a #cant girl. I’m a can’t girl guys What kd I do with this Will: Deedee DeeDee: What What Griffin: I’m studying scales right now as we speak Weird DeeDee: Tell me or I mighty collapse Will: You want to be in KD? DeeDee: NO GUCK THE KDS FUCK EM ALLLLLL Will: (winky face) DeeDee: No No Griffin: Tell us how you fell deedee DeeDee: No Bi Bo No Griffin: no sexual Bi sexual DeeDee: Nooooooooooooooooooooo No No Miles: St op Griffin: #JustCant Miles: Stop I’ll fuck you Griffin: Are you literally dying Will: THIS LAND WILL DIE YOU KNOW IT THE STICKY IRON MASK Griffin: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AM OBOE AND A CLARINET. THEY SOUND EXACTLY ALIKE DeeDee: I can’t that’s the difference Griffin: Yes we can Together deedee DeeDee: Together, forever, I haver my hearttttttghyyrtttttt Griffin: Don’t let your heart break deedee Just ask jake Barden DeeDee: You have no fidea the cold. No ride. Just legs and strife and life and strife. I’m dying Fuck the nograss Griffin: Amen DeeDee: tHABK YOU FOR UNDERSTABDNG Griffin: I’ve been to the depths of the underworld too. It’s tarrible Anyone want to study percussion instruments with me Jan 24, 1:53 AM DeeDee: Al I’m gonna say:- guys all you guys I’m just like ???????? Like what even are yours specimen I don’t understand you’re equilibrium of lifestyles nothing makes sense to me on this gods forsaken days of nights Will: We’re a Soulforsaken herd deedee. There is nothing that can help iis now DeeDee: Like I don’t understand yourt species at hands Miles: Don’t fuck with jake barden right biw. Goddamn. Mind ur own business *now *The Jarl of Argebs removed Khaleesi Mother of Dragons from the group Jan 24, 9:04 AM Grant: lol *595 added DeeDee Seaman to the group Jan 24, 10:29 AM David: Howdy gentlefuckers Griffin: Good morning I’ve been up studying instruments all night Jan 24, 10:37 AM The Jarl of Argebs (Jake): rough night last night boys… finally got close to the one that got away so long Go and had to leave, it’s a morning of shame and sadness (sad face) Griffin: Jake: it’s all my fault too (sad face) Jan 24, 10:49 AM: Miles: damn nigga I saw u with her, u had that shit Holy fuckis I was tismed last night Some of the things that were said….. I mean wow Jake: nah Miles it was way after that at Bourbon Miles: no. were u with her at hibachi? Jake: no those were other girls and Peters when we saw you, and you were hilarious by the way Miles: ? How so? Jake: I’m so fucking disappointed right now Miles: Goddamn. What the fuck did I say? It’s good dr. Barden Jake: it was mostly incoherent Miles: There are many fish in the sea Lord….. Jan 24, 11:32 AM Will: You’ll be aforded another opportunity that’s what Athens does Griffin: just cheated my nuts off in that music quiz Will: wtf kind of classes are you in griffin *595 changed name to Timewave Zero Griffin: (winky face) Timewave Zero (Will): you’re a different major Miles: daves comment about tisms last night was hilarious. I flew away of laughter Jan 24, 11:50 AM Will: Mitones go ahead and set your name to turnuposaurus and deedee go ahead and set yours as can’t girl Never has a more absurd night happened in this message Griffin: I need a new name The birds have deceived me Oh fuck I changed it last night. Damn it Will: The Oboe Barden: wow the messages got weird last night Will: I was so certain that this land will die Griffin: Di you know you have to make your own mouth pieces by woodwork to play the oboe. You must be a handyman to play this instrument Now you know *Timewave Zero changed the group’s name to The Legend of January 23rd Miles: Mhm *678 changed name to Turnupciraptor AND SO THE LEGEND WAS BORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!